Choosing to be happy
Most of us are happy some of the time, and unhappy some of the time. Usually are happy because something we liked happened, and likewise unhappy because something we disliked happened. We see the source of our happiness as outside ourselves. And therefore, we are not in control.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. We can choose how we feel. We just need to take control back.
Firstly, choosing not to be unhappy. Yes, it is a choice. I know if you asked someone who is unhappy, they wouldn’t say “I made a choice to be like this - I don’t want to be happy. But they are choosing what to think, how big they are making the problem, and how long they are thinking about it.
There will always be things that don’t go your way. The problem if we dwell on it the unhappy feeling just grows and consumes us. And we give it power so it can attract all the other unhappy scenes in our lives. Suddenly there is a big black cloud that over us. We then start feeling sorry for ourselves and even angry (unhappiness loves these powers giving emotions!) and eventually can even feel like life is against us.
But it can go another way. When something you don’t like happens, look at the ……….
Size: Make it as small as possible. Often the emotion and subsequent drama makes a situation bigger than it really is. It takes on a life of its own fueled by the emotion fed to it. Remove the power by making it as small as possible and then look at it again. What really happened? Is it really that bad?
Perspective: Does it really matter? Look at the situation and ask, does it matter? Do I care? Does it add to me or my loved ones? Does it matter to my story? Will it help me be the person I want to be or get me to where I want to go? Is it worth fighting about?
Reality: Can I do anything about it? Even if it still feels bad and it still seems to matter - is there anything you can do about it? Often there is little we can do especially where others are involved. The only person you can control is yourself
Choose to let it so, move on and do some of the stuff that makes you happy!
What makes you happy?
Now this should be an easy question to answer, but for many, it is not. Life is filled with what makes others happy, or what “needs” to be done. Like dusting, or ironing, or cleaning windows (am I sharing too much here?), and when there is time, we don’t know what to do with ourselves. We sometimes even don’t know what makes us happy. I know I didn’t, but then i decided to do a bunch of stuff, some for the first time and pay attention to how I felt. Was I enjoying it? Did I feel good? Was I focusing on that activity? I I felt good, I’d do it again. If I didn’t, we I just didn’t repeat the experience. So, I’ve decided to write a list……. This may seem OTT, but I know if something has happened to make be unhappy, and even if I have talked myself out of it, having the below written down will be so helpful.
Reading a book - curling up somewhere and indulging in some me time
Catching up with friends and family - be it a visit, or a phone call.
Watching a good film - preferably something funny
Having a good laugh (the previous 3 could lead to this one)
Listening to some uplifting music
Visiting an art gallery
Having a picnic
Going for a walk - There is something about getting up, getting outside and doing some exercise.
To be honest, much of this would make most people feel better- so even if you feel really down - give them a go and build up a list of your own.