How to deal with negative self-talk

“I say kind words to others, why don’t I do the same for myself”

“I boost other people up, why do I put myself down?

Sound familiar? Want to do something about it? This post is for you.

Our heads are filled with thoughts, darting around from the time we wake how up until we finally fall asleep. Sometimes they can even keep sleep away.

There are multiple studies on how many thoughts we have, how are repeats from yesterday and what percentage are negative. But basically -

· We think a lot of thoughts, I mean a lot
· Most of them are the same as yesterday
· Most of them (around 80%) are negative

Hardly an empowering way to be. But there is hope, although I do not have a quick or even permanent fix. These are things that have helped me.

Some quick wins

1. Are you practicing good health habits? If I am eating badly or sleeping badly, and subsequently tired, my mental chatter ramps up, and not in a good way.

2. Too much time indoors, and on my own. I guess what I mean is ‘in my own head’. Firstly, I change where I am – go in the garden, go out for a walk, smile and say hello to fellow walkers etc

3. Failing to practice self-care – again this is when I feel tired.

4. Get curious about your inner chatter, and challenge it, or at least ignore it.

5. Look at the people you spend most of your time with. Are they in general negative people? Are they on a journey of growth? Surround yourself with people who are working to be their best and want the same for you.

The long game – this is where the real changes happen.

6. There may be some relationship issues you are not dealing with, and it is then manifesting in negative self-talk. Maybe it’s a conversation you need to have with your manager. If there is something bothering you, the quality of your inner chatter gets worse.

7. The self-talk may be coming from a place of fear, to stop you progressing. Get curious about this fear, where is it stemming from? What is it preventing you from doing?

8. Craft affirmations to counter act the negativity

9. Do the deep work of improving your self-esteem and self-image.

These last 4 are tough, but doable, but often you will need help. I may be biased, but to do the deep work, the inner game, the best thing you can do is get a coach. They will see things you can’t and challenge you in a way you won’t be able to challenge yourself.

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